UnReel Headline: BREAKING NEWS: Dora the Explorer found murdered

Dora the New Savior of Mankind?

Dora on the Cross (location unknown)

An icon to children around the world, Dora the Explorer was recently found dead. Although her body was found in an alley known for gang violence, she was later relocated by hundreds of children and nailed to a cross.

Payton Andretti shitting his pants

When asked why they did what they did, two year old Payton Andretti simply replied, "Well to my generation, Dora the Explorer represents cultural diversity in America, and around the world.
Her simplistic journeys from point A to point B gather children from all walks of life, transcending gender, race, and creed. When I first saw Dora the Explorer, my first response was 'who is this bitch?' but as I continued to watch, I realized how pivotal she is in human growth and development. Now if you would excuse me, I have shit my pants."
 
The official police report has put Dora's death between 1 and 1:15am Wednesday morning. Although details have not been released as to the cause of death, and unofficial source has stated that their is evidence of rape.

When asked if there were any suspects or leads, the police refused to comment, but with the knowledge of the sexual crime, our sources have reviled that there is an active search for a person of interest.

Raper the Rapist aka Swiper Hernandez

After interviewing neighbors, and a little investigative reporting, UnReel News has uncovered this mugshot of a suspect known only as "Raper the Rapist".

Raper started out with simple swiping, but was later busted on charges of breaking and entering, prostitution and distribution of narcotics. Although he has no prior history of sexual assault, friends say that it was the logical next step.

When asked to comment on his involvement, Raper could not be reached for comment. But our calls were later returned by his attorneys, whose only comment on the subject was, "Raper no raping!"

*** UPDATE ***

A few days has passed since the death of Dora the Explorer, and now not only children are flocking to her site. Now adults and people of all ages have found themselves on pilgrimages to the site of her crucifixion. UnReel News had the opportunity to speak with Amos Botstein, a former Rabbi, turned Doranist.

Amos Botstein, Doranist

  When asked why the change in religions, he had this to say, "Well it's actually quiet simple...why the hell not? God had my people wandering around in the desert for 40 years. At least with Dora to follow we know it's always simple. Where are we going? the holy land! Where are we going? the holy land! Where are we going? And not to mention instead of these hats, I get to trade it in for my baaaack pack baaaack pack! Who wouldn't want to be a Doranist?"

More on this story as it develops.