US Troops Pull Out "Too Soon"
According to Iraq's top army officer, US troops are pulling out too soon. Source But fatherless children and single mother prostitutes around the world beg to differ.
An unnamed intelligence officer who declined to be named because he was not authorized to speak on the subject told UnReel News that, "If that was true, I wouldn't be paying all this child support to that skank I hooked up with back on shore leave...and not to mention all the unprotected sex with the Asian hookers, Saigon whores, and Filipino women I could have sworn were men..."
Luckily, most of the young bastard children have already been put to work in sweat shops and on the corner, assuring that they take the roll of their missing fathers, and get started in a career early in life, not letting the absence of a father they have never met hinder their aspirations.***UPDATE***
A couple points have recently been brought to my attention. First, apparently "sweat shops" are not a friendly place where people gather to make my black hooded sweatshirt, "working the corner" is apparently not a place where young aspiring children hoping to break into the business career by selling newspapers, but in fact child prostitution, and most shockingly, the article was evidently about US forces pulling out of Iraq, and has nothing to do with the military spreading its seed to unknown women around the world.
In response, UnReel News apologizes for the confusion, and our official stance is "well...this is awkward..."
When asked about the updated information, the same intelligence officer quoted above, simply said,
"We've been fuckin' the middle east for years...I'm shocked we had the decency to pull out...least I can say for all the prostitutes I knocked up in my relatively short career..."
