UnReel Headline: Doug Funnie Wanted for Terrorist Ties

Television star Doug Funnie is now wanted in questioning for possible links to Al-Qaeda and other terrorist organizations. Although no actual evidence has surfaced, his loyalty to America was recently brought into question when government officials were notified by two facebook members, Zack Emery and Zack Cash,  about the unusual size of his nose.

Zack Cash (R) and Zack Emery (L) pictured at a Deer Orgy

"I first realized there was something up when a friend made a picture of Doug his profile picture as a joke. It immediately dawned on me that something was not right with the picture." Zack Cash was quoted as saying.  "I mean I'm no professional  at stereotyping people based on their physical appearance, so I automatically assumed he was just a Jew, until a friend of mine brought it to my attention that both African Americans as well as Arabs are both known for their unusual nose size. If he wasn't a Jew himself, I wouldn't have believed him!" Cash concluded.

When asked for more detail about how he came to this conclusion, Zack Emery quickly responded, "I'm a Jew. Jew Jew Jew, Hanika, Minora, money money money," and other typical Jew lingo.

Government rendering of Doug as a terrorist

Although absolutely no evidence of any ties to any terrorist organization has been recovered, many Republicans defend the accusations.

Former Aid to the Bush Administration, George Washington Palin McCain Jefferson was quoted as saying,

"I mean do you need any more evidence? Have you seen this guy's nose? I mean at first I thought he was just a harmless Jew, until these guys pointed out that other people have big noses! I mean terrorists have big noses, so he must be a terrorist!"

With that piece of damning evidence, the United States Government immediately began to take the terrorist threat seriously and a massive man hunt for Doug Funnie has begun to spread across the country.

*** UPDATE ***

A recent video has surfaced from alleged terrorist Doug Funnie, now known as Doug Muhammad  Ali Osama Bin Funnie. Although the government has refused to release the video, they are quoted as saying that he has admitted that he was not, at first, attached to any terror organizations, but was forced into surface when the United States government gave him no choice by labeling him a suspect.

Friends of Bin Funnie have said that they are not shocked by the recent turn of events. Close friend Pork Chop was recently quoted as saying,

"Ever since Patty Mayonnaise spiraled into drugs and the adult film industry, he's never been the same. I expected some major break down, but to be honest I thought he would be a homosexual before he would become a terrorist. But I guess terrorism isn't his worst choice, he could have become a Republican and destroyed America from the inside out!" 

Initial government reports say that he was recruited by long time friend Mosquito "Skeeter" Valentine and joined the ranks of Al-Qaeda as an entry level member in charge of distribution of terrorist advertisements (seen below).

With such a positive response to his first pamphlet,  he was promoted to Al-Qaeda Hiring Manager, where he came up with new and creative recruiting tactics, such as all male terror singing group, The Baghdad  Boys with their number one hit, "My Love is exploding, killing many innocent people, but at least one...possibly two infidels", the terrorist rapper Da Camel Man with his top hit, "I've got 99 virgins, but an Infidel ain't one." Both of these musical artists brought terrorism to the youth making it seem cool.

U.S. government officials have responded with, 

"Dude, we've been trying to make joining our military cool for years! I hate to admit it, but I even have Camel Man's new record."

Although Bin Funnie's whereabouts are currently unknown, top U.S. officials have been quoted as saying, 

"We always get our man...well, most of the time anyway...except for the Bin Waddle guy or whatever..."

More on this story as it develops.